Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Groucho Marx
Friends: people who borrow my books and set wet glasses on them.
Edwin Arlington Robinson
Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.
Benjamin Franklin
Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day.
Harry S. Truman.
I don’t recognize you – I’ve changed a lot.
Oscar Wilde
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
Henry Youngman