Funny Life Quotes Page 1
Life is just one damned thing after another.
Erbert Hubbard
Live every day as if it were your last, because one of these days you will be right.
Unknown author
I felt more than ever the necessity of my mission. But I went home out of spirits, I hardly know why. I must work by myself all life long.
Elizabeth Blackwell
Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep.
Carl Sandburg
We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
Today is the last day of some of your life.
Unknown
The basic rule of human nature is that powerful people speak slowly and subservient people quickly because if they don’t speak fast nobody will listen to them.
Michael Caine
Life is not so bad if you have plenty of luck, a good physique and not too much imagination.
Christopher Isherwoo
Personally, I don’t think there’s intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?
Bob Monkhouse
I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell.
Life… is like a grapefruit. It’s orange and squishy, and has a few pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast.
Douglas Adams
Life is a foreign language; all men mispronounce it.
Christopher Morley
Life is as tedious as a twice-told tale
vexing the dull ear of a drowsy man.
William Shakespeare
A vasectomy means never having to say you’re sorry.
Anonymous
Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.
Marie Curie
Life is a sexually transmitted disease and the mortality rate is one hundred percent.
R. D. Laing
Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. The consciousness of loving and being loved brings a warmth and richness to life that nothing else can bring.
Oscar Wilde
The end of a life is always vivifying.
Samuel Beckett
Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
Woody Allen
When people search for “Life Quotes” they are often looking for quotes about life. Why do the major search engines only give them hundreds of pages of commercial garbage about Life Insurance Quotes?
Bill Austin
It’s possible; you can never know that the universe exists only for me. If so, it’s sure going well for me, I must admit.
Bill Gates
I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.
There is properly no history; only biography.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Children make your life important.
Erma Bombeck
Life is like a B-movie script. It is that corny. If I had my life story offered to me to film, I’d turn it down.
Kirk Douglas.
Life itself is a quotation.
Jorge Luis Borges
Life is a horizontal fall.
Jean Cocteau
I’ve learned … that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
Andy Rooney
If you are living your dream, be sure it isn’t a nightmare.
Life is an incurable disease.
In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then He made School Boards.
Mark Twain
August 7th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
I JUST WANT TO EXPRESS MY HEARTILY APPRECIATION TO OUR ALMIGTHY CREATOR GOD FOR THE GIFTS OF LIFE…LORD I OWE TO YOU MY LIFE. THANK YOU SO MUCH..NO WORDS CAN EXPRESS HOW MUCH GLADNESS THAT I HAD NOW BECAUSE OF YOUR KINDNESS FOR LETTING ME OR GIVNG ME A CHANCE TO WITNESS THE WONDER OF YOUR MASTER PIECE WHICH WE CALLED THE PARADISE.THANK YOU GOD…THANK YOU… THANK YOU SO MUCH….
August 13th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
No probs
September 20th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
great quotes make lifes simplerers.
September 25th, 2009 at 11:03 pm
last post is a homo. your god is fake
October 2nd, 2009 at 8:24 am
GOD? Thank god i dont believe in any gods, cuz ppl that actually believe this shit sound scary. This master piece isnt made by some invisble guy in the sky….its called evolution……and when we die there is no hell or heaven, we just go. So enjoy ur life. and have fun.
October 6th, 2009 at 4:23 pm
We who believe in god have nothing to lose if we die and there isnt a heaven or hell. But you that dont believe in him and go to hell, have fun in the firy pits. You’re there for eternity.
October 8th, 2009 at 7:48 am
There is God… & I feel His presence in my every breath. Even Einstein believed in God and His wonderful gift called LOVE. Evolution is a vague thing and it fails to explain many of life’s mysteries. After death we don’t go ‘anywhere’ but to Heaven. Moreover, getting a constant companion in God, relieves anybody of everyday burden, tensions and worries. Life can be enjoyed in true spirit only when God is by your side. If there was no God, why even in this scientific and technologically advanced age, people flock to temples and make pilgrimages?
I think my ‘anonymous’ friend need more of God’s love and His wonderful presence more. I pray for you… have a blessed LIFE.
October 8th, 2009 at 7:51 am
These Life Quotes are excellent. They are a mirror to the thinking pattern of some of the world’s greatest personas. When you see them living life so productively and positively you yourself are encouraged to start anew, afresh and let your hidden talents come to the forefront. I wish everybody a wonderful, happy and blessed life ahead.
October 9th, 2009 at 1:56 am
I don’t believe all of this……some time if feel like there is no life
October 21st, 2009 at 12:52 pm
OMG, I LOVE THESE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
October 21st, 2009 at 5:40 pm
The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.
October 25th, 2009 at 2:48 pm
The Lord is my everything. He guides me toward paths of peace, he lifts my head and I am never put to shame . He holds my hands and tell me ” The battle is won”. He has proven his immense love with blood and silence in the cross towards believers and unbelievers.With him you will always have life. The things in this world are temporary, but his love endures forever. Seek and you will find, knock and it will open, ask and you shall receive. Always remember that THE FEAR OF THE LORD IS THE BEGINNING OF KNOWLEDGE. (proverbs 1:7).
October 27th, 2009 at 6:59 pm
Religious people are Trolls, don’t feed them guys, seriously you can’t win.
November 3rd, 2009 at 11:08 am
What the what?! I’m religious but for poop’s sake people, lighten up!
November 4th, 2009 at 1:18 am
So why do so many people believe in GOd, it seems that these people are looking for answers. I believe one of the above mentioned that evolution didn't explain many things this is true. But evoloutionary theory does not claim to know everything. Only clergymen, pricks, and religious nuts think they know everything. The theory was designed i search of the truth. "Believe a man who searches for the truth. Distrust a man who says he has found it"
November 4th, 2009 at 8:24 pm
i agree with that!! hahahaha!!
November 5th, 2009 at 2:39 pm
Atheism is natural to man, it is the most comfortable position. It is a reflection of his depraved state being engulfed in sin. The Bible states: the fool has said in his heart there is no God. Why, because there is so much evidence to the contrary? No, it is more of a hopeful out look so that they will not be accountable to anyone or for anything they have done.
God is aware of the atheist while the atheist is not aware of God. In response he says Psalm 14:1-2 The fool has said in his heart, “There is no God.” They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none who does good. The LORD looks down from heaven upon the children of men, to see if there are any who understand, who seek God.”
http://www.letusreason.org/Apolo7.htm
November 11th, 2009 at 5:46 am
Anonymous you say bull shit .your face is look like bull shit.you are a dog
November 11th, 2009 at 4:51 pm
The thing you are all argueing about is the exact reason why people like myself have to go around the world fighting religeous fanatics. These little bitter comments is where it all starts!
If you believe in god/gods/godess's/allah or not, just keep it to yourself,noone wants to know. Leave people to they're own beliefs, they aren't hurting you, so just shut up!!!
Oh and any replies to this post will not be rebutted as i will be saying goodbye to my 3 year old daughter again as daddy is flying out to Afghanistan tomorrow for the 3rd time as an infantry soldier! What a nice christmas present for her.
Thanks very much for trying to change the world and surpress your beliefs on everyone else. And if your on here preaching your just as bad as the taliban!!! Many thanks
Quis Separabit!!!
November 11th, 2009 at 10:23 pm
Personally the idea of not beleaving in a god is depressing to me i feel their has to be something better than just living and dieing. i don't know how people can say theirs no god and feel comfortable with that If it wasn't for my beleaf i feel i would not be alive now….
November 11th, 2009 at 10:32 pm
I would like to mention That im Christian and i beleive in what scientist study nothing they have said so far has disprooved god actually if anything that have proofed it more…at least for me
November 12th, 2009 at 6:27 pm
just look around you and you will witness the greatness of GOD,HIS CREATIONS IS SO WONDERFULL,ALL LIVING THINGS ON EARTH,THE VAST BLUE OCEANS,THE BEAUTIFULL TREES,THE STARS IN THE SKY,THIS IS ALL MADE BY GOD WHO IS THE MASTER OF THE UNIVERSE.
November 18th, 2009 at 8:22 am
God is the mircal of life. Evolution is a tough unforgiving beautiful process that is not a man or woman God dictating what we do or punishing us for what we do. Who gives a shit about what helps you sleep at night, as long as your on top of the food chain at the end of the day, were serving our purpose.
November 18th, 2009 at 8:24 am
Too bad were screwing up evolution by helping the stupid week people live on top of fueling their stupidity with more horrific stupidity
November 19th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
First of all,every time I read these battles about religion it's always the religious that start it. Preaching about religion is about as productive as beating your head against a wall. Telling people they are stupid or ignorant because they don't believe in God, or don't know what to believe is ignorant in itself. Not everybody is going to have the same out look on life, and who are any of you Bible followers to judge them? You say evloution is wrong and founded by men to disprove God. Have you ever stopped to realize that your Bible was written by MEN hundreds of years ago? Or that it was created as a tool to give the church power over it's people? Power that was rarely used in its peoples favor. There are people dying to protect our nations right to embrace or deny your God. Something I'm willing to bet not many of you are willing to do yourselves. Why risk your life for a perfect strangers rights? Why not just sit back and let someone else fight for mine? We have the right to believe in whatever we want, if someone wants to believe that a monkey is our God, who are you to try and deny them their right to believe it because it goes against your Bible?
November 19th, 2009 at 4:31 pm
Human evolution hasn't been happening for many years. It started with the industrial revolution, tools and machines doing the work for us. Follow that up with the fact that we change our envirnment to suit our needs as opposed to the people best suited for the environment surviving. Add all that up plus the fact that we coddle the weak in our society.
If anything, we are devolving. People are getting stupider, despite the incredible amounts of knowledge we have aquired.
And if you want to even bring religion into the equation, do some research… ALL current religions are completely based on the religions that came before it. Christianity stole EVERYTHING. Holy days. Religious symbols.
It's all a power play, and it's coming to an end.
November 28th, 2009 at 6:44 am
Calling names doesn't ever prove anyone's point by the way. All it does it point out that you have no sound arguments and so you resort to name-calling or trash-talking to make a point. Its pathetic, immature and unhelpful. If you want to make a point give an argument or you will just look like a two year old with no logical abilities.
November 30th, 2009 at 2:24 am
YOU ALL SOUND SOOOO, CHILDISH HOW STUPID YOU SOUND!!! GROW OF FOR GODS SAKE.
November 30th, 2009 at 5:17 pm
You have to enjoy life because yours doesnt last forever
December 3rd, 2009 at 1:55 am
these aren't funny they're just depressing
December 4th, 2009 at 1:05 am
SO I just wanted some quotes about life cause i always think that it's really interesting how many different points of view there are. And reading what famous people have said about it over the years is fasinating to me.
This argument that has started here though is really ridiculous. Debating ackomplishes nothing. We believe what we believe and while yes, it is nice to share what we think with others turning it into a fight just doesn't work.
The fact is we all live. And no matter how we think we got here or where we are going when we die we all are still living, here, now, together. So I think that life should be lived as best as it can be and we should respect others and what they have to say, wven if we feel differently. Bitter, anger and resentment just makes life crap for yourself.
So yeah thanks all you famous people for your quirky words on life.
December 4th, 2009 at 9:09 pm
Sorry to tell you this, all you religious nut bags… belief in religion is for the weak and brain dead. Religion is just another excuse to make money. Granted, a great way to make money from stupid people.
When/if the greater power comes to my door step and knocks, I'll believe in him, but never religion.
Until then, prove me wrong. And no, your book written by man doesn't count. Who would even live life according to a book?
If you don't think that religion is just a business only, then think of how many wars were started over religion. How many have died to religion? How much land was gained & lost in the name of a god?
Case rested.
December 5th, 2009 at 3:39 pm
There is no such thing as death, only the soul being set free by the thing that has put it in bondage for years. People wouldn’t be afraid to “die” if they knew the truth.
We should stop allowing our minds to control us, there is no past there is no future, there’s just the now. So accept the now!
We as people hold so dearly on to what others say and it’s our ego minds that will not let it be.
Let us all wake up every morning as if it were our first day on earth, that way there will be no ego to follow us into the now. Also lets not worry for the future, what we do now will affect it, so do now what makes your soul feel happy!
December 22nd, 2009 at 11:03 pm
Just a little food for thought. First: If you really believe in evolution – explain the Cambrian Explosion. Second: Christianity is a belief – NOT a religion – figure it out. Third: Many know Christ BEFORE they ever pick up a Bible,the Bible is a guidebook. I am one who knew Christ first – for many years before I picked up a Bible – because He is a living God with whom you can have a real relationship, not a dead one to just tell stories about. True Christians don't think they know it all – that's why they have Faith. Have you noticed that your bitterness and anger are directed at Christ – but not at the dead Buddah or other dead "gods"? This is because of your fear. You fear His truth – and no-one need ever fear His truth – His truth is Love. Merry Christmas.
January 7th, 2010 at 12:26 am
Well said dragonfly!!!
January 7th, 2010 at 2:12 am
Prophets were supposed to tell the truth. Paul was a truth seeker. And was thrown into prison and beaten out of town, because he was considered a nut by religious people of his time.
If he would come back, he would be the first to revise some of his outdated letters and end up the same popular guy again, in our present time.
A universe cannot be explained by some period writings not taking into account any of the things mankind has discovered since.
Religion may be good to get some some company in life, and lead a decent life, when you don't have good morals in your character, but only science can give answers that will advance our future beyond an ordinary daily life.
We have to be strong and keep an open mind, acquire more knowledge and use that to advance our destiny.
It's okay to believe, it's better to believe and use our brain as well.
January 7th, 2010 at 4:07 pm
omg, i just wanted to laugh! Although your fight is funny in it's own way…..let it go! Aren't there chat rooms for this?
January 8th, 2010 at 7:22 am
Why does it matter so much to u if someone believes in something not real or is real. u don't know. no one knows. its just what ppl put their faith in. everyone has faith and everyone believes something. u believe there is no heaven or hell and they do. deal with it. don't judge ppl religion and life itself is a touchy subject.Be happy do what makes u happy!
January 11th, 2010 at 3:31 am
I agree with friendly comments before mine and guess someone didn't detect my irony, when I said Paul would be popular again, if he came back.
People who speak their truth and nothing but their truth, will not be popular.
I myself am not a Christian, nor do I subscribe to one of the major belief systems.
It would be nice and easy though, to be at peace with the culture I was born in. And others may really need it, so I tread careful, before I crush people with 'basic' knowledge.
Besides, the power of belief cannot be denied.
Example:
take a guy who was taken prisoner together with his wife in a country with a totalitarian regime.
He clings on to the belief that he will see his wife again. And after three years he gets out.
Only to find out that his wife was killed the first day after their capture.
It was his belief that he would see her again, that got him through the ordeal and made him survive.
Now…
His belief was not based on the truth. The truth would have meant despair and for him the end.
So was his belief good or bad?
February 18th, 2010 at 2:55 am
I think there is a God. The Bible says through him all things are possible. Growing up my parents never took me to Church. I found God all by myself! He is great! I don't remember his name but a guy was strong and drew his strength from God. He showed ppl this and could hold back a jet from taking off! I seen this with my own two eyes! My God is amazing! My God is the best thing ever. Wy is it when ppl that don't believe in him are in danger of getting killed they yell out o God help me? Even in the nonbelievers there is truth!
March 4th, 2010 at 4:08 am
"What can be asserted without proof can be dismissed without proof"
March 9th, 2010 at 3:46 pm
u know what funny? that ur guys' comments are more than the quotes in the page ._.
what the "god" ya'll are looking at is worng. There is only ONE true Creater, all u need is common sense and you'll find the answer
peace out peeps
March 13th, 2010 at 10:56 am
you guys are a bunch of faggots haha
March 18th, 2010 at 2:48 am
I'd like to point out that more wars have been fought in the name of some god or another than not. Stop posting religious beliefs/opinions/whatever. If you don't like reading about how people don't believe in god, then imagine how we feel reading about how you do.
March 20th, 2010 at 7:00 pm
People need to lighten up ;> Leave each other in it's values, don't try to make the non-believers believe and don't try to make the believers stop believing. It won't work. Wars have been fought with and without faith, sometimes the believe in a higher power gave them the advantage, other times it got them slaughtered.
And besides, if you are right and there is a god, why care for those who don't believe? And on the other hand, a eternity in hell does not sound long when your dead. You won't have a knowledge of time either way.
Just my two cents, feel free to take it as you wish. Probably not stumbling into the comments here any time soon again. xD Still, great site.
March 23rd, 2010 at 3:32 am
Im here by chance?really?. Well thats what public school and the world tells me, but i have to get smart for a second and know that it doesnt seem logical.Because i love jesus im not intelligent? because i cant see him does that mean hes not real?, no, i feel him all around me=]. u know it would be easy to believe in nothing,seems like the easy way out to me, doing what i want or"doing whatever makes me happy",or"do whatever feels good",we pay for our sin . wheter u like it or not.i agree FALSE religion does start conflict, but god doesnt.
Why do pple hate god? i dont know, why do they curse a creator that loves them to death, i dont know, why does he forgive us? i dont know. Why does he always return to us?, i really dont know. Im not brainwashed, in a cult, or in any crazy fanatic group that tells people ur going to hell!there are a lot of gods in todays world, but only one savior.
Am i telling you that jesus loves you because im a religious nut?.no not at all. Im Just Here to simply state that its TRUE. You know what you can do, is read the bible,yea fight truth decay, i heard that disease is like going through hell and back man;]. Dusty bibles lead to dirty lives.For real jesus isnt some fake thing a lot of people experience, i didnt look to jesus at first cause i was just so weak and lost!, oh no, thats stupid stop thinking jesus is only for weak minded people. i have a realtionship with him cause i felt his love, and i couldnt deny it, and still cant. If ur reading this page god wanted you to see it, he just wants to tell you that he loves you and its gonna be alright, you will safe in his arms.
If u dont feel god, that means you have to step closer to him,u have to meet him half way you know. dont deny it!. u know he's there, isnt that right caleb?. I love you all, please talk to a real christian about god=].it seems like the closer i get to god,the more problems,man… the devil hates me.=] && i love it. God bless=].(thebasementonline.com) a lot of young people like it, check it out=]
April 28th, 2010 at 10:00 pm
God is great for those that don’t kno him i’ll pray 4u;)
April 30th, 2010 at 7:49 am
I have a question I know that in the bible it is said that god made women for men and men for woman but wat other ppl dont understand is that god also created “Gays” and i fully support them because with out them life would just be boring also i dont believe in god..well i guess i do but i believe that all the gods in the world r somehow connected